The term rainbow baby is used to describe a baby who is born after a loss. It is sometimes referred to as the rainbow after the storm of loss. There are some people who do not like to use the term rainbow because they feel it implies that their child they lost was the storm and that the child born after is something of a replacement for the other child.
While I understand the thought process behind this, I do not think that this is what the term is saying. I feel it refers more to the storm of grief and emotion that follows the loss. It literally is a storm of emotions, including grief, anger, sadness, loneliness, and many others. The emotions bounce from one to the next and sometimes random ones hit you unexpectedly and out of nowhere. I know I felt all of these after our loss. I also felt jealous for those who had never experienced a loss or had to deal with a situation like this. Of course, I would never wish this type of pain on anyone. But I wish that I had never had to feel it either. So a storm of emotions is exactly how I would describe how I felt after our loss.
To me, the rainbow does not signify that your pain is over or that you replaced the pain in any way. I think it means that you are choosing to own your grief and move forward with it. To take your grief and mold it into your life, so the grief does not own or overtake you. It can be very easy to let it consume you. And if it does for a time, that is okay too. I just knew that I didn't want to be overwhelmingly sad every day for the rest of my life. I knew I wanted to channel my feelings into something good I could do for other people. It took time for sure, but I feel that overall, I am in a good place. I still think about her and miss her every day. I still get sad and I still get angry. But those are things I am going to deal with the rest of my life.
Every time I see a rainbow now, I think it is Jasmine telling me that she is happy and okay. For me, finding my rainbow has been not only having my second daughter, along with my son who was my first born, but also finding a cause I was passionate about. My hope is to help other women find their rainbow again after their loss, in which ever way is most meaningful to them. I also want people to not be afraid to talk about their loss if they choose to talk about it. For others, this could mean adopting or fostering a child, starting a business they have been thinking about, starting a non-profit, or anything else. I know several that have started a non-profit after their loss and I think it is a great thing to channel their time and energy into.
For a lot of us, we do things like this in order for our child to live on in some way. For others to remember them just like we remember them. It lets their names live on and gives us hope that we can help other people too.
I would love to hear some of the ways you have dealt with a loss in your life, no matter what kind of loss, if you are open to sharing.
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