Life is Stupidly Unfair: A Mom's Journey of Survival

Mama to Cadence and Savannah March 2015: The soft movements in my belly stopped. Ensue chaos, confusion, tears, and heartbreak. I was induced at 28 weeks on a Monday night, and Cadence was born still on Tuesday. Her father and I held her, family got to see her, and we had a few pictures taken. We had a small funeral and brought home a tiny acorn shaped urn that sits prominently on our mantle. She continues to be a part of our family. May 2016: Hope and fear coexist as we find out our high-risk rainbow baby, Savannah was having difficulties. I had developed Preeclampsia and needed an emergency c-section at 30 weeks. She was born weighing just 1lb 15oz. and was immediately whisked away to the NICU where she would stay for 66 days until we got to take her home. Rainbows The traditional rainbow baby: I cannot deny the joy she brings into our lives every day. I take a lot of pictures because I always fear that it may be the last one taken of her, and I try to remind myself of how amazin...

We found out we were pregnant with Jasmine a few months after a failed fertility treatment.  We had done a treatment that was successful, but then ended in miscarriage.  My HCG levels were falling, but then started rising again, so I had to take a shot of methotrexate.  This meant we had to wait at least three months before trying again.  I found out I was pregnant with her a couple of months after the waiting period was over. I went to my RE for beta levels and everything was rising and doubling perfectly.  All my early ultrasounds with him looked great and she was growing normally and right on track.  I had my first appointment with my OB and everything looked fine on that end as well. It came time to do the NT scan and genetic testing.  They no longer did the NT scan in their office and they referred me out to an MFM to get it done.  We went to the appointment and the tech did the scan.  She showed us the things we were lookin...

In going through the doula training, one of the readings was what I am posting below written by the founder of Still Birthday, Heidi Faith.  This resonated with me so much that I just really wanted to share it. In twenty minutes, a mother who has been laboring, in pain, terror, disbelief and anguish, will give one final push, and her silent, stillborn baby will be born. In twenty minutes, a father, shocked, in horror and in terrible amazement, will watch as his lifeless child, perfect but still, is carefully swaddled. He will watch as the doctor awkwardly and uncomfortably asks his distraught, grief stricken wife if she wants to hold this unmoving bundle of bleach smelled blanket and lifeless form. The mother, wet from tears, sweat and blood, will be shaking, broken, overwhelmed, and will, with uncertainty, recieve her baby in her arms.  Both parents will feel ill-prepared and terribly alone. In twenty minutes, this baby’s older brother, a surviv...