It is so nice to finally be able to talk about the pregnancy openly. A pregnancy after a loss, especially the kind I had, is not for the weak. You become even more hyper aware of everything. Even more you expect there to be something wrong because that's what prior experience has shown you.
After we lost Jasmine, we met with a genetic counselor. They said the issues didn't appear to be genetic and that while they couldn't guarantee that there was a zero percent chance of it happening again, that the chances were likely less than 1%. But the chances of it happening in any pregnancy in the first place were small. So once it happens to you, even 1% feels huge.
I knew I was pregnant at a little before the 4 week mark. I had betas drawn and those all went well. I have had four ultrasounds before the one with the MFM yesterday. Everything has been good so far. I had the NIPT blood test and it came back negative for trisomy 13, 18, 21 and sex chromosome issues. But these things all happened with Jasmine too. The blood test would never pick up her issues. So the ultrasound yesterday caused me a lot of anxiety. Even then I had a hard time accepting when she said everything looked normal. Maybe her ultrasound machine wasn't as good as my prior doctor or maybe she wasn't as trained to spot those things. Maybe the baby is still just too little. All thoughts that ran through my head. And they are so hard to push away.
The other thing we found out through the blood test is that we are expecting a girl! I am thrilled to have the chance to raise a daughter. But since this is the last baby, also a little sad I won't ever have a little boy again. The feelings after a loss are so complex and complicated.
I have to keep myself in check and take it slowly. Everything looks fine today and I try to keep myself away from the what ifs. But it's super hard.
After we lost Jasmine, we met with a genetic counselor. They said the issues didn't appear to be genetic and that while they couldn't guarantee that there was a zero percent chance of it happening again, that the chances were likely less than 1%. But the chances of it happening in any pregnancy in the first place were small. So once it happens to you, even 1% feels huge.
I knew I was pregnant at a little before the 4 week mark. I had betas drawn and those all went well. I have had four ultrasounds before the one with the MFM yesterday. Everything has been good so far. I had the NIPT blood test and it came back negative for trisomy 13, 18, 21 and sex chromosome issues. But these things all happened with Jasmine too. The blood test would never pick up her issues. So the ultrasound yesterday caused me a lot of anxiety. Even then I had a hard time accepting when she said everything looked normal. Maybe her ultrasound machine wasn't as good as my prior doctor or maybe she wasn't as trained to spot those things. Maybe the baby is still just too little. All thoughts that ran through my head. And they are so hard to push away.
The other thing we found out through the blood test is that we are expecting a girl! I am thrilled to have the chance to raise a daughter. But since this is the last baby, also a little sad I won't ever have a little boy again. The feelings after a loss are so complex and complicated.
I have to keep myself in check and take it slowly. Everything looks fine today and I try to keep myself away from the what ifs. But it's super hard.
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