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6 Months

I recently saw a video on Facebook that I thought accurately described grief.  It said it basically becomes a part of you and that it stays the same and doesn't go away over time.  You just grow around it.  And that at certain times you revisit that grief and it feels the same as if the thing had just happened.  I liked this description a lot.  It shows that even though you continue to grow and change, that the grief is always there, but you as a person change.

Today marks 6 months since we lost Jasmine.  Honestly, lately, I have felt like it happened much longer ago.  I think it's because I have made so many other changes in my life that 6 months just seems too short.  I noticed that I had felt a little sad at certain moments in the past week and couldn't really figure out why.  I couldn't really attribute it to anything.  Nothing really triggered it.  Grief is strange like that.  But overall, the happy days and moments far outnumber the sad ones.

I also finally told three people at my new job about what happened.  I wasn't keeping it a secret or anything, but it's kind of a weird thing to just bring up out of the blue.  I am glad that some people know though because it's a part of me I don't want to have to "hide".  It felt nice to tell people.  I didn't cry talking about it.  It's just something that happened to me now and is just a part of me.  That sounds kind of odd to say. 

I did get a little sad because I saw my 6 week pregnancy pic pop up on my "On This Day" on my phone and that was kinda hard.  It was just a little over a year ago that we found out I was pregnant.  I think the one year anniversary will be a lot harder than the 6 months.  Thankfully it will at least be during tax season when I am busy. 

All this to say that I feel like I am doing well in healing.  I can openly talk about it and only sometimes get a little choked up.  Not that I don't wish she was here with me every day, but it's nice to just have a normal life and not think about it every moment.

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