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Thank you

There is something that kept popping up in my mind this weekend and was kind of bothering me.  After I had my baby shower, which was so close to when we lost her, I forgot to send out the thank you notes I wrote.  I had most of them all written and ready to go and then everything happened and I just never got them sent.  I know it sounds like a silly thing to stress over, but I feel bad about it.  I know people are understanding because of the circumstances, but I still feel a bit bad about it. 

Then afterwards when we lost her, we received so many thoughtful cards and gifts and I tried to say thank you to everyone, but just feel it's inadequate. 

A few times I thought about going ahead and sending them anyways, even months later, but then just never did.  It was weirdly hard to send them.  To remember the last time that we had a happy celebration in anticipation of her arrival. 

A lot of people I have seen who have a baby diagnosed with CDH or another life-threatening condition choose to not have a baby shower.  I can see why because it could make things harder in the end.  I for one am glad we did.  One wonderful celebration for my tiny hero.

How do you even properly thank everyone?  The people who celebrated with us at the baby shower.  The people who sent us cards or thoughtful gifts after we lost her.  The people who donated and helped us with all of the medical expenses.  And most importantly, the people who were there for us to talk to during that time.  The ones who let me say whatever I needed to say and helped me work through it all.  I don't think I can ever thank them enough.  It made me realize how lucky I am to have the friends I have.  Even if some of us are separated by distance and I can't thank you in person, I want to say thank you now. 

Time goes on and people move on, but it still means a lot to me when someone lets me know they have been thinking about us or thinking about Jasmine.  Because then I know she meant something to other people too.  For someone so small, she sure had a lot of people who loved her. 

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