I have been busy lately with some things I am really excited about. There are a lot of changes going on in my life. After we lost Jasmine, I felt the urge to just change everything in my life. Change my house, change my job, move somewhere else. I think it's a common thing to feel. You feel like by changing everything, you can just run away from your pain. Even though, really, it would just follow you wherever you go.
I also think it's hard because you have memories of what happened at the various places in your life. Our house is where I found out I was pregnant with her, it's where I took my weekly pics, it's where we made plans and had a room set aside just for her with the decorations we bought. I have memories of being pregnant at work too. I will just be sitting in my office and randomly remember something like having to turn sideways when I walked down the hall because my belly was too big and I didn't want to hit my coworker walking the other direction. So naturally, it makes sense to not want to revisit these places.
As time has gone on, I am more okay being in these places without them being so painful. I haven't yet gotten to the place where I have "fond" memories of being pregnant. But I do treasure those few short months I had with her in my belly.
I recently was told about a great organization called PALS. They help provide support for those who are pregnant after a loss. I am going to start volunteering with them next month and am so excited to be able to start this new journey of helping other women. I'll talk more about what I will be doing with them in another post later on.
My naturally tendency is to try and force change to happen. When I get tired of something or just don't want to do it anymore, I want an immediate change. But that's not always the best way to go about things. So now I am just trying to sit back and wait and let things come to me. That's how I feel into all of this anyways. I was simply searching for some way to help people and a friend told my about the Stillbirthday doula program. While doing that program was when I was told about the opportunity at PALS. Things keep coming, so it must be what I am meant to be doing. My silver lining after a horrible tragedy.
I also think it's hard because you have memories of what happened at the various places in your life. Our house is where I found out I was pregnant with her, it's where I took my weekly pics, it's where we made plans and had a room set aside just for her with the decorations we bought. I have memories of being pregnant at work too. I will just be sitting in my office and randomly remember something like having to turn sideways when I walked down the hall because my belly was too big and I didn't want to hit my coworker walking the other direction. So naturally, it makes sense to not want to revisit these places.
As time has gone on, I am more okay being in these places without them being so painful. I haven't yet gotten to the place where I have "fond" memories of being pregnant. But I do treasure those few short months I had with her in my belly.
I recently was told about a great organization called PALS. They help provide support for those who are pregnant after a loss. I am going to start volunteering with them next month and am so excited to be able to start this new journey of helping other women. I'll talk more about what I will be doing with them in another post later on.
My naturally tendency is to try and force change to happen. When I get tired of something or just don't want to do it anymore, I want an immediate change. But that's not always the best way to go about things. So now I am just trying to sit back and wait and let things come to me. That's how I feel into all of this anyways. I was simply searching for some way to help people and a friend told my about the Stillbirthday doula program. While doing that program was when I was told about the opportunity at PALS. Things keep coming, so it must be what I am meant to be doing. My silver lining after a horrible tragedy.
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