Skip to main content

More Changes

It has been a while since I had anything to write about.  We took a nice family vacation to Galveston last week, which was so nice and relaxing.  I did get a weird sunburn and we got attacked by mosquitoes at one point, but those were really the only negatives.  I was able to finally relax and just not feel so stressed about things.

One of the main things that has come out of the loss of Jasmine has been a change in my mindset and priorities.  It makes you realize how short life is and how you do not want to waste time doing things that aren't important to you anymore.  It makes you realize that some things you thought were super important really aren't that important at all.

I have struggled with writing about this since it is regarding my job and obviously I didn't want it to get back to my employer.  Right before I got pregnant with Jasmine, my plan had been to go to school and then take the test to become a CPA.  After we lost her, I realized I had zero desire to do that anymore.  I have spent the last few months going through the motions at work and not enjoying what I used to enjoy doing.  When I got back from vacation, my boss called me in to talk about my job.  Obviously he had noticed that my head and heart just weren't in it anymore.  I didn't realize it had been so noticeable, but I had made a couple of mistakes on returns that I wouldn't have normally made.  It is a talk that isn't fun for anyone to have, even though I had already thought about leaving. 

But afterwards, I just felt a bit of relief that it was all out in the open.  So now he is going to look for a replacement and I am looking for another job.  It's hard when you don't know exactly what you want to do.  I work for a small company and it's not fair to the company or to me to keep doing something when my heart isn't in it.  I have been there for almost 6 years though and the company has grown.  I definitely have a lot of sad feelings about leaving.  I like my clients and don't trust anyone else to take care of them well enough!

I know that I am on a path to something else, I just don't know what it is exactly.  It's amazing how many things change once you have a loss.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jenna's Story

After over a year of trying to conceive naturally, my OBGYN suggested we try IUI. We did 4 IUI cycles with her before she recommended we move on to see a fertility specialist, who then tried 2 more IUI cycles before ultimately recommending IVF. We proceeded with IVF and that was an absolute rollercoaster. We went from the high of a fruitful egg retrieval, to an above average number of eggs fertilized. Then we were suddenly rocked to learn on day 3 that our embryos weren't looking great, and that we needed to brace ourselves for the possibility of nothing viable to transfer. This was our first taste of what we believed to be absolute heartbreak. So naïve. By some miracle, we ended up having 3 viable embryos on day 5. Those 2 days felt like an eternity then. Only 2 of those embryos ended up being good for transfer, so we thawed and transferred one and began our 2 week wait. We were floored to learn at the end of it that we were pregnant (spoiler: this one ends well, don't wo
7 comments
Read more

Project Finding Your Rainbow

It has been a while since I have written anything, but I am super excited about this idea.  I am sure some of you remember the rainbow skirt that I used for my maternity pictures with my rainbow baby.  If you don't, here are a couple of pics below. (If you need a great photographer, these were taken by McGowan Images) Since then, the skirt has pretty much just been sitting in my closet without getting any use.  I kept trying to think of some way that I could use it.  I then saw an article about someone who had a skirt like this and sent it out to other women who had a loss to use and they would take their picture with it. Thank you to someone who commented with the link.  You can read about the original person doing this  here . This is when I decided I wanted to do something similar.  Every since our loss, I have wanted to do something to help others who have had a loss/are going through a loss and something that would help bring awareness to pregnancy and infant loss.  Of
5 comments
Read more

Jillian's Story

Mama to Cadence and Savannah March 2015: The soft movements in my belly stopped. Ensue chaos, confusion, tears, and heartbreak. I was induced at 28 weeks on a Monday night, and Cadence was born still on Tuesday. Her father and I held her, family got to see her, and we had a few pictures taken. We had a small funeral and brought home a tiny acorn shaped urn that sits prominently on our mantle. She continues to be a part of our family. May 2016: Hope and fear coexist as we find out our high-risk rainbow baby, Savannah was having difficulties. I had developed Preeclampsia and needed an emergency c-section at 30 weeks. She was born weighing just 1lb 15oz. and was immediately whisked away to the NICU where she would stay for 66 days until we got to take her home. Rainbows The traditional rainbow baby: I cannot deny the joy she brings into our lives every day. I take a lot of pictures because I always fear that it may be the last one taken of her, and I try to remind myself of how amazin
2 comments
Read more