It has been a while since I had anything to write about. We took a nice family vacation to Galveston last week, which was so nice and relaxing. I did get a weird sunburn and we got attacked by mosquitoes at one point, but those were really the only negatives. I was able to finally relax and just not feel so stressed about things.
One of the main things that has come out of the loss of Jasmine has been a change in my mindset and priorities. It makes you realize how short life is and how you do not want to waste time doing things that aren't important to you anymore. It makes you realize that some things you thought were super important really aren't that important at all.
I have struggled with writing about this since it is regarding my job and obviously I didn't want it to get back to my employer. Right before I got pregnant with Jasmine, my plan had been to go to school and then take the test to become a CPA. After we lost her, I realized I had zero desire to do that anymore. I have spent the last few months going through the motions at work and not enjoying what I used to enjoy doing. When I got back from vacation, my boss called me in to talk about my job. Obviously he had noticed that my head and heart just weren't in it anymore. I didn't realize it had been so noticeable, but I had made a couple of mistakes on returns that I wouldn't have normally made. It is a talk that isn't fun for anyone to have, even though I had already thought about leaving.
But afterwards, I just felt a bit of relief that it was all out in the open. So now he is going to look for a replacement and I am looking for another job. It's hard when you don't know exactly what you want to do. I work for a small company and it's not fair to the company or to me to keep doing something when my heart isn't in it. I have been there for almost 6 years though and the company has grown. I definitely have a lot of sad feelings about leaving. I like my clients and don't trust anyone else to take care of them well enough!
I know that I am on a path to something else, I just don't know what it is exactly. It's amazing how many things change once you have a loss.
One of the main things that has come out of the loss of Jasmine has been a change in my mindset and priorities. It makes you realize how short life is and how you do not want to waste time doing things that aren't important to you anymore. It makes you realize that some things you thought were super important really aren't that important at all.
I have struggled with writing about this since it is regarding my job and obviously I didn't want it to get back to my employer. Right before I got pregnant with Jasmine, my plan had been to go to school and then take the test to become a CPA. After we lost her, I realized I had zero desire to do that anymore. I have spent the last few months going through the motions at work and not enjoying what I used to enjoy doing. When I got back from vacation, my boss called me in to talk about my job. Obviously he had noticed that my head and heart just weren't in it anymore. I didn't realize it had been so noticeable, but I had made a couple of mistakes on returns that I wouldn't have normally made. It is a talk that isn't fun for anyone to have, even though I had already thought about leaving.
But afterwards, I just felt a bit of relief that it was all out in the open. So now he is going to look for a replacement and I am looking for another job. It's hard when you don't know exactly what you want to do. I work for a small company and it's not fair to the company or to me to keep doing something when my heart isn't in it. I have been there for almost 6 years though and the company has grown. I definitely have a lot of sad feelings about leaving. I like my clients and don't trust anyone else to take care of them well enough!
I know that I am on a path to something else, I just don't know what it is exactly. It's amazing how many things change once you have a loss.
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