Today, as I was sitting here working, I realized that last week, on July 11, was exactly four months since we lost Jasmine. What bothered me even more is that I didn't even realize that until today. I knew there would be a point where I wouldn't automatically remember how many days, weeks, or months it had been, but it still caught me off guard.
I was kind of mad at myself, like how could I forget already? But then reminded myself that it's okay. It doesn't mean that I have ever forgotten about her or that I will ever forget about her.
Things have been so crazy around here lately with all the changes, that I have to be forgiving of myself.
Then I started thinking about how part of me regrets not letting N come up there when she was born. Even though I know it was the right decision and still would make the same decision, I wish he could have seen her. I wish I could've had a picture of my two kids together. But I also know he wouldn't truly understand what happened. I haven't shown him any of her pictures yet. I want to, but just don't know how to bring it up. I have plans to put up a few pictures of her on our gallery wall and I know he will be curious about it. He still brings her up every once in a while.
It has been a while since I've cried about it all, but I did get a little sad today. I think now that other areas of my life are changing, it feels like I am moving on. Which I am, but I know overall it's in a good way.
I was kind of mad at myself, like how could I forget already? But then reminded myself that it's okay. It doesn't mean that I have ever forgotten about her or that I will ever forget about her.
Things have been so crazy around here lately with all the changes, that I have to be forgiving of myself.
Then I started thinking about how part of me regrets not letting N come up there when she was born. Even though I know it was the right decision and still would make the same decision, I wish he could have seen her. I wish I could've had a picture of my two kids together. But I also know he wouldn't truly understand what happened. I haven't shown him any of her pictures yet. I want to, but just don't know how to bring it up. I have plans to put up a few pictures of her on our gallery wall and I know he will be curious about it. He still brings her up every once in a while.
It has been a while since I've cried about it all, but I did get a little sad today. I think now that other areas of my life are changing, it feels like I am moving on. Which I am, but I know overall it's in a good way.
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