Before I went through this significant loss, I didn't know of many people who had a loss like this. (Turns out I knew more than I thought as some reached out to me after it happened). I was definitely one of those people who didn't know what to say to someone who had gone through this.
I mean, really, what can you say? You know that nothing you say will change what happened or make them feel any less pain. But what I learned is that the people who said nothing at all hurt me worse. People who I would expect to be there for me and just said nothing. People who were absent during the rough parts of the pregnancy and absent when we lost her. People who I expected would be there. You may think that saying nothing would go unnoticed, but it didn't. I know a lot of people just don't know what to say, so they choose to say nothing. But if you know someone who has gone through this, I strongly encourage you to reach out to them. Just to say, "I'm thinking of you and am here if you need me." I had a lot of people reach out to me saying variations of that and it meant SO much to me. Even if I didn't respond right away, thank you for saying something. I know several others lately who have gone through a loss and maybe their opinion is different. I am sure some people want to be left alone.
The other side of this is that I had great support from people I never expected it from. People who were so sweet and were there for me the whole time. It was amazing to see just how many great people I have in my life! All from different groups in my life. The kindness and thoughtfulness that everyone showed just blew me away. The amount of gifts, donations, meals, and cards we received just brings tears to my eyes to even think about it. I only wish I could repay the favor to everyone. It is just nice to see how loved she was before she was even born and even afterwards.
So you might wonder, what can you do to help someone going through such a terrible tragedy? I think the key is, just be there. Don't disappear because you can't handle the emotions or the situation. Let them know you are there to talk if they need it. Just be there with them. It was so amazing to see how many great friends I had that I just knew were there for me no matter what, without me even having to ask. So again, I can't say thank you to you guys enough!
One of the gifts I received (though I received so many thoughtful ones I can't even list them all here!) was from a group of friends that I have gone through a lot of ups and downs with. We have been there for each other through a lot of tragedy, but also a lot of joy. They sent me a bear that weighs the same as Jasmine did when she was born (4 lbs, 5 oz). Now, in a small way, it is kind of like being able to hold her again. I loved it so much, I sent one to a friend who had lost her baby as well. This is the website: https://www.mommiesofanangel.com/
I mean, really, what can you say? You know that nothing you say will change what happened or make them feel any less pain. But what I learned is that the people who said nothing at all hurt me worse. People who I would expect to be there for me and just said nothing. People who were absent during the rough parts of the pregnancy and absent when we lost her. People who I expected would be there. You may think that saying nothing would go unnoticed, but it didn't. I know a lot of people just don't know what to say, so they choose to say nothing. But if you know someone who has gone through this, I strongly encourage you to reach out to them. Just to say, "I'm thinking of you and am here if you need me." I had a lot of people reach out to me saying variations of that and it meant SO much to me. Even if I didn't respond right away, thank you for saying something. I know several others lately who have gone through a loss and maybe their opinion is different. I am sure some people want to be left alone.
The other side of this is that I had great support from people I never expected it from. People who were so sweet and were there for me the whole time. It was amazing to see just how many great people I have in my life! All from different groups in my life. The kindness and thoughtfulness that everyone showed just blew me away. The amount of gifts, donations, meals, and cards we received just brings tears to my eyes to even think about it. I only wish I could repay the favor to everyone. It is just nice to see how loved she was before she was even born and even afterwards.
So you might wonder, what can you do to help someone going through such a terrible tragedy? I think the key is, just be there. Don't disappear because you can't handle the emotions or the situation. Let them know you are there to talk if they need it. Just be there with them. It was so amazing to see how many great friends I had that I just knew were there for me no matter what, without me even having to ask. So again, I can't say thank you to you guys enough!
One of the gifts I received (though I received so many thoughtful ones I can't even list them all here!) was from a group of friends that I have gone through a lot of ups and downs with. We have been there for each other through a lot of tragedy, but also a lot of joy. They sent me a bear that weighs the same as Jasmine did when she was born (4 lbs, 5 oz). Now, in a small way, it is kind of like being able to hold her again. I loved it so much, I sent one to a friend who had lost her baby as well. This is the website: https://www.mommiesofanangel.com/
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