Mother's Day is bittersweet for me this year. On the one hand, I have my beautiful son here and want to celebrate being his mother. On the other hand, my other child is one I can't be with. And for that reason, I also half dread Mother's Day. It's hard to see all the posts of people with their multiple healthy children who have never had to struggle to get pregnant, have a sick child, or lose a child. I feel like I am in just a weird place right now and it's hard to put into words.
I know people who are still struggling to have their first child and I don't want to come across as at all ungrateful for my son. I know people who have also lost their mother and know they struggle on this day as well. I know Mother's Day is super hard for all of these people.
A day that seems so simple brings up such complicated feelings for so many people. I have recently met many people that have gone through the loss of a child at various stages. People who lost their first child and people that have lost subsequent children after already having children at home. There are always days that are harder to get through. The anniversary of the date you lost them, your due date, and other milestone dates. You think, my child would've been 6 months or a year now. These are the things they would be doing now. One thing I have found when talking to all of these people is how hard Mother's Day is. Obviously, we are still mothers to the children that are no longer with us, but it's hard to feel like a mother when you don't have them here with you. So then it just becomes a day about grief and longing for the child you lost.
That's where I have conflicted feelings. On one hand, I long to be able to hold Jasmine again and to be able to celebrate Mother's Day with both of my children. On the other, I do still have N and don't at all want to belittle what being his mom means to me. He is the one of the greatest things I have ever done with my life and I truly am grateful to have him.
I thought this was fitting for everyone I know who has suffered a loss of their child.
I know people who are still struggling to have their first child and I don't want to come across as at all ungrateful for my son. I know people who have also lost their mother and know they struggle on this day as well. I know Mother's Day is super hard for all of these people.
A day that seems so simple brings up such complicated feelings for so many people. I have recently met many people that have gone through the loss of a child at various stages. People who lost their first child and people that have lost subsequent children after already having children at home. There are always days that are harder to get through. The anniversary of the date you lost them, your due date, and other milestone dates. You think, my child would've been 6 months or a year now. These are the things they would be doing now. One thing I have found when talking to all of these people is how hard Mother's Day is. Obviously, we are still mothers to the children that are no longer with us, but it's hard to feel like a mother when you don't have them here with you. So then it just becomes a day about grief and longing for the child you lost.
That's where I have conflicted feelings. On one hand, I long to be able to hold Jasmine again and to be able to celebrate Mother's Day with both of my children. On the other, I do still have N and don't at all want to belittle what being his mom means to me. He is the one of the greatest things I have ever done with my life and I truly am grateful to have him.
I thought this was fitting for everyone I know who has suffered a loss of their child.
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