Frustration and Getting Pregnant Again

One of the strongest feelings I have throughout all this is a need and a want to get pregnant again. Nothing will ever replace her, obviously, I want my rainbow baby. The first frustration that comes along with this is that doctors tell you that you have to wait a certain amount of time before trying again. To let your body heal. What annoys me is that doctors can't even seem to agree on the right amount of time to wait. I saw ranges from 3-18 months.

Some of you also know that I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. It means that I have a hormone imbalance and don't have regular cycles. Which obviously makes it hard to get pregnant. As I get older, it takes a lot more effort for me to get pregnant. With N, I did acupuncture, which regulated my cycles and I was able to get pregnant and have an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby. With Jasmine, it took some failed fertility treatments along with acupuncture and diet changes.

This time around, I am struggling with the frustration of still not having regulated cycles. I know it's only been 2.5 months, but my body is just not cooperating. I have been dairy and gluten free for 10 weeks now. It's weird to feel jealous of people who actually have regular cycles and take it for granted. Or people who also had a loss but already have their cycles back. Patience is not my strong point for sure, but I just want to have a chance to get pregnant again. It's hard to not feel like my body just lets me down. Why do I have to work so hard for just a chance of getting pregnant?! It makes it super hard to stay positive.

Really, part of me would rather just pay the money and go get fertility treatment again, but that isn't a guarantee either. Trying to get pregnant is such a frustrating journey and I have already been through this twice. It's hard to do it again not knowing how long it'll take. Especially when I want to get pregnant again so badly. I am just doing my best to stay distracted and stay positive. <3

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Jenna's Story

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Life is Stupidly Unfair: A Mom's Journey of Survival

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