Skip to main content

Frustration and Getting Pregnant Again

One of the strongest feelings I have throughout all this is a need and a want to get pregnant again.  Nothing will ever replace her, obviously, I want my rainbow baby.  The first frustration that comes along with this is that doctors tell you that you have to wait a certain amount of time before trying again.  To let your body heal.  What annoys me is that doctors can't even seem to agree on the right amount of time to wait.  I saw ranges from 3-18 months. 

Some of you also know that I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome.  It means that I have a hormone imbalance and don't have regular cycles.  Which obviously makes it hard to get pregnant.  As I get older, it takes a lot more effort for me to get pregnant.  With N, I did acupuncture, which regulated my cycles and I was able to get pregnant and have an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby.  With Jasmine, it took some failed fertility treatments along with acupuncture and diet changes.

This time around, I am struggling with the frustration of still not having regulated cycles.  I know it's only been 2.5 months, but my body is just not cooperating.  I have been dairy and gluten free for 10 weeks now.  It's weird to feel jealous of people who actually have regular cycles and take it for granted.  Or people who also had a loss but already have their cycles back.  Patience is not my strong point for sure, but I just want to have a chance to get pregnant again.  It's hard to not feel like my body just lets me down.  Why do I have to work so hard for just a chance of getting pregnant?!  It makes it super hard to stay positive. 

Really, part of me would rather just pay the money and go get fertility treatment again, but that isn't a guarantee either.  Trying to get pregnant is such a frustrating journey and I have already been through this twice.  It's hard to do it again not knowing how long it'll take.  Especially when I want to get pregnant again so badly.  I am just doing my best to stay distracted and stay positive.  <3

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jenna's Story

After over a year of trying to conceive naturally, my OBGYN suggested we try IUI. We did 4 IUI cycles with her before she recommended we move on to see a fertility specialist, who then tried 2 more IUI cycles before ultimately recommending IVF. We proceeded with IVF and that was an absolute rollercoaster. We went from the high of a fruitful egg retrieval, to an above average number of eggs fertilized. Then we were suddenly rocked to learn on day 3 that our embryos weren't looking great, and that we needed to brace ourselves for the possibility of nothing viable to transfer. This was our first taste of what we believed to be absolute heartbreak. So naïve. By some miracle, we ended up having 3 viable embryos on day 5. Those 2 days felt like an eternity then. Only 2 of those embryos ended up being good for transfer, so we thawed and transferred one and began our 2 week wait. We were floored to learn at the end of it that we were pregnant (spoiler: this one ends well, don't wo...
7 comments
Read more

Project Finding Your Rainbow

It has been a while since I have written anything, but I am super excited about this idea.  I am sure some of you remember the rainbow skirt that I used for my maternity pictures with my rainbow baby.  If you don't, here are a couple of pics below. (If you need a great photographer, these were taken by McGowan Images) Since then, the skirt has pretty much just been sitting in my closet without getting any use.  I kept trying to think of some way that I could use it.  I then saw an article about someone who had a skirt like this and sent it out to other women who had a loss to use and they would take their picture with it. Thank you to someone who commented with the link.  You can read about the original person doing this  here . This is when I decided I wanted to do something similar.  Every since our loss, I have wanted to do something to help others who have had a loss/are going through a loss and something that would help bring awareness to ...
5 comments
Read more

Anger

I have found that one of the strongest emotions I have had to deal with lately is anger.  I am angry at a lot of things.  I am angry at the doctors who abandoned me (in the end, every single one of them did and that really sucks).  The one who wrote off my daughter's chance to survive the moment of the CDH diagnosis, the one who told me well you can give birth to her now and spend a few minutes with her or you can wait and let her be stillborn, and the one who I had been counting on to help me and then wouldn't at the end.  I've mentioned it before, but it really sucks that doctors don't want to help you when they hear the word trisomy.  I wasn't asking for a miracle, I was asking for them to just TRY.  And in the end, no one would and we ran out of time.  The only one I did not feel abandoned by was my OB and he was the one person who couldn't really help in this situation.  Personally, I never want to see or speak with any of those doctors ...
6 comments
Read more